There was a time in my life when a few days back I was searching for relief from the pangs of separation from the loved one, the pains that accompany any relationship ......I was at a loss....my enter life seemed to be upside down. I couldn't rest, I tried to run away from it, to overlook it, to avoid it, deliberately ignore its presence........but all these ruse turned futile and I submitted myself time and again....I even tried to divert myself from it by taking oblivion in books, seeking relief in music , but Linkin Park numbed me more than they were originally with their hard rock tunes.....in a nutshell I missed her, missed everything she did, her smile, her face, her talkative eyes.....her laugh , i could almost hear in my ears rejuvenating my soul leaving me yearn for her more and more with every passing moment......trying to think the things i will tell her the next time I will meet her,trying to memorize by heart what she said at all those precious moments -sacred golden moments - when she graced my soul with her presence,playing with my soul, snatching my peace, my control over my soul......I looked in all paths,searched in all directions but still I couldn't make myself believe that I will see her in a few days ....... but my heart was no longer in a working condition as it was previously when I hadn't fallen for her....It vehemently refused to listen to any gyaans, my mind was simply drained off pragmatic ideas,I kept visualizing her in front of me,her long curls mystifying me,those artistic eyelashes hypnotising me,turning me on and finally leavng me CRAZZZZZYYYYYYY.....I kept asking myself like a new born baby who refuses to listen to reason, " why wasn't she with me, why was I so far away from her, why was this immovable distance thwarting us to unite,to be one??why,why why??????

I was searching frantically for her, for peace, for nirvana......It was just horrifying to think that I was the one whose soul is being tormented by such ideas, by these ceaseless pangs, when perhaps she was oblivious to my absence, she perhaps was not feeling it as much as I did, perhaps she was not as restless as I am,days went by and just a brief meeting for a negligible time once a week was what I had to live on the rest of the week.....I was helpless, I loved her and I missed her like a drowning man underwater misses oxygen...........

As it happened i chanced to hear this song sung by Subha Mudgal, at precisely the same time when my life was somewhere dangling between paradise and hell. This song describes the restless condition of Krishna's mind beore he left for gokula,before he left his fiancee Radha. I could readilly match his condition with mine, and honestly speaking it felt quite good to find that someone else has also felt such dreadul pains of separation like me, I wasn't the only helpless victim of love...........

Even now also when I am gripped by such thoughts of desertion, I seek refuge in this song, and my mind is as if hoisted to some higher pedastal of spiritualism where distances doesn't matter in love , where far becomes near........where the holy communion of the two souls becomes possible even when they are miles apart..................................

Subaha subaha ka khyaal aaj-

Wapas gokule chale mathura raj,
Mathura nagarpati kahe tum gokule jao??
Manahar wesh choro Nandaraj
Sar se utarke sundar taj,
Raj dand chor bhumi par waj-
Fir kahe baasuri bajao?
Mathura nagarpati kahe tum Gokul'e jao??
Mathura nagar pati kahe tum Gokul'e jao???

Kaunsa anokha geet gaahe preetkula?
Raajpaath jaise aaj bhai dhula?
Kaun sa anokha geet gaahe preetkula
Birahana lagi fir hridaya akuula!
Raaj kaj man na laga---
Mathura nagar pati kahe tum Gokule jao?
Mathura nagar pati kahe tum Gokule jao?


Puranari saari vyakul nayana.....
Kusuma sajja lage kantak shayana--
Puranari saari vyakul nayana.....
Raat bhar madhav jagata bechaina--
Kaahe adhi raat sarathi bulao?
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum Gokul'e jao?
Mathura nagarpati kaahe tum Gokule jao?



Dheere dheere pohuchhat Jamunake teer'e.....
Sunasana panghata , mridula samira---
Dheere dheere pohuchat Jamunake teer'e
Khanakhana madhav biraha madira
Usse kahe bhul na pauu???
Mathura nagar pati kahe tum Gokul'e jao?

Mathura nagar pati kahe tum Gokul'e jao?



Tumhari priya aab puri gharwali--
Doodh nawan gheeyu din bhar khaali....
Tumhari raadha aab puri gharwaali,
Doodh nawan gheeyu din bhar khaali...

Birahake aansu kabke poch daali
Fir kaahe dard jagao?
Mathura nagar pati kaahe tum Gokul'e jao?

Mathura nagar pati kaahe tum Gokul'e jao?